hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
