fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
