Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
