bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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