remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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