So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
