a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
