Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
