Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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