I want to walk on stilts...naked
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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