Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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