I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
