I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
