So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
