I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
