Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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