I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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