I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
