She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
