he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
