I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
PANTIES FOUND
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