God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
