i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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