they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
