Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
