hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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