yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
