he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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