This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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