we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
