I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
