I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
