Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
