we're blogging at a bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
