If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
