Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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