Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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