ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
