Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
