Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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