we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
