toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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