haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She even gives head with a lisp.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
