You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
