kristin has been a bad kristin
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
