I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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