i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
