Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
