i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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