we made out on top of his cat.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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