Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
