return my video game
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
