Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
