it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We are two peas in an std pod
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
