Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
