so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
