I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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