I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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